Attachments

ATTACHMENTS

Worldly pleasures you search

Neon lights you admire

Busy streets you follow

Splashing places you play

Fake laughters you break

Hopeless images you give

Struggling souls you imprison

Deep hurts you nurture

Myriad angsts you hide

World treasures you uphold.

CHAINED.

(To all walks in life whose lives depend on wearing masks)

Being Single: "A Boon or a Bane?"

     Being single at 43 is both a boon and a bane. Let me tell you why……

     Most often  friends, colleagues and acquiantances fly to me when they  need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a helping hand to an errand, a company in case an emergency arises,  I am an angel anytime, anywhere. Even when I was sick and had my chemotherapy, friends still wish to talk  so they can reveal their innermost fears in life because I am always available.

     That is not the case in some circumstances though. I hear people who know me and those who claim they know me drawing  controversial conclusions why I still remain unattached at this stage. They think I am idealistic, monastic, man hater, gold digger, a lesbian, blah, blah, blah…I must admit, I dont laugh these assessment all the time especially the last one but what can I do? I simply can’t change my circumstance to please others. 

   So I just shrug my shoulders of all the wild accusations and wish I were somewhere else where people don’t mind what state of life I am in. I don’t think there’s something wrong with the male species if they don’t find me worth taking because I don’t see anything wrong with me not choosing anyone of them even up to this age.

  Of course I long for a partner as there are some days and some nights that I  really feel lonely because I am alone but then I think of a wife and a mother, or a husband and a father  who is equally lonely as I am because of an unfaithful partner. I think that puts me in a better position. I still wish of a possible partner. I swear, I still do. I am done away with a frog turning into a prince story but I pray my prince won’t turn into a frog! I earnestly pray for a partner who is stronger than me. Someone who knows how to laugh amidst great srtifes in life. Someone who accepts my ailment, someone who knows how to weep hard but stays tough whenever I go ahead. Someone who loves me like I am the only one but who is ready to love another one when I am already gone.

  The best part of being single at 43 is you don’t give up dreaming and dreaming

Rare Virtue

        Billy Joel’s famous hit song “Honesty” is one of my favorite songs. It reveals how lonely this virtue reigns in this world packed with hypocrisy.

       A number of people make believe that there are moments when it is better to conceal the truth to save a face, to maintain a government, to uphold security. How morbid these motives are and how ironic these evil tactics lurk.

      Woe to the man who condones the wrong doings of another to gain societal acceptance. Salvation is far to him who intentionally  tolerates dishonesty in exchange of material possessions. For doesn’t God speak to us through His Book that we gain no profit if we gain outward respect and richness if we lose our dear soul?

    I cannot grasp why one has to support for a goverment leader who manipulates citizens’ taxes for his personal ambition. In the end he dies and brings neither fame nor glory when he goes to the other side. Even his family who are the rightful heirs of an unrightful wealth will definitey suffer because money cannot bless a family and a generation who is part of a grave corruption. Neither can I comprehend why one has to deny the truth about poverty in exchange of claimed economic uprise.How tragic the outcome I forsee. The devil’s laughters defeaned me. He triumphs every lie that we tell. Lying, no matter how little it may seem, is always a SIN.

    I remember a lie I  made to save a cousin. In the end, I lost the trust of an uncle and an aunt I truly love and from then on, I vowed never ever to lie.

  Honesty helps our spirit to be reconciled with the Lord. Let’s choose honesty over dishonesty and the Prince of Lies 2 will definitely be defeated once we decide to uphold what is true. Honesty deletes mistrust ; let’s make it our virtue.

The Real Games I Won

                  Often, the audience only focused on the trophy we won over a competition nothwithstanding the hardships and bruises we got.

                  Life is a circus. I’ve known this harsh reality when I was barely eight years old. That was when my mother died and I had to live in Mindanao with total strangers that I entered the maze and was hopeless about how I would be able to go back home. 

                 There I experienced all sorts of games, big and small ones. Each event I had to keep winning to keep me going.

                 The first puzzle was how to reach the vast field of either rice or corn without falling down from narrow dikes or getting hurt from rough coconut husks. It likewise required walking through tall trees and coconut palms and crossing rivers and lagoons  rumored to be infested with cocodiles.

                 Going back was  as tough as reaching there.

              The second was how to get some sleep while all alone in a room I once thought was twice bigger than my new world. The third was how to keep my eyes awake every 4:00 A.M. so I could prepare food for our breakfast. The fourth was how to conquer my fears so I could get some dried palm leaves outside the house. The fifth was how to cook food in less than an hour before lunch hour. The sixth was how to imagine a different flavor of my daily banana snacks. The seventh was how to prevent mysef from joining other children who played happily after class hours. The eight was how to control my nervousness so I could wash the dishes in a very dark kitchen. The ninth was how to control myself from figthing back against a mean working student who verbally and physically abused me.

            And like all other carnivals, there is always a clown. I became a clown in my circus. I was a picture of a perfectly controlled stuff on the outside but a real teary-eyed softie inside. I pretended everything was only a game. That’s how i survived the ordeals…..

          Who shall heal the bruises that have left ugly scars to this clown? I know not. All I know is that I have to continue the game of forgiving  this time with my mask off.

                                                             -   END -

    //     Mrs. Elena Labrada, our school guidance counselor  who is now a Head Teacher of Values Education , told me to write my hurts. Wow! the more I wrote, the more I remember, and the more I pain. Then there were those I cannot afford to divulge for I might  hurt others, too.Besides, I want to forgive those who inflicted deep anguish to me. I forgive them for their tender years  and old age alike. Who are they?  Well, only the Master of the Game know them. This time it is a game I have to win so I can go home to His place peacefully.

Sunday Thoughts

In times of spiritual turmoil, aside from getting a copy of Rick Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life” I also keep a hand of Streams in the Dessert by L.B. Cowman. This morning, I’ve come across to this devotional reading. Here it goes…..

      Therefore, do not always look ahead to your tomorrows for some ideal situation, exotic difficulty, or faraway emergency in which to shine. Rise today to face the cirmcumstance in which the providence of God has placed for you this very hour or week and month of your life. Yet the most difficult things are not those seen and known by the world but those deep within your soul, unseen and unknown by anyone except JESUS. It is in the this secret place that you experience a little trial that you would never dare to mention to anyone else and it is more difficult for you to bear than martyrdom.

      Beloved, your crown lies there. May God help you to overcome and to wear it.