Recollection

Years ago, I lost a person I deeply love. Everything seemed to fall apart that I lost sense of direction. I asked God why He allowed me to undergo such a terrible grief. I claimed I didnt deserve such misery for Ive been obedient  to His commandments. I blamed Him of my bitter plight and accused Him of playing favorites among His family. Obviously I placed myself the least among the rest of His citizens.

A good friend of mine, Danilo Gudelosao, and now a Supervisor of Science of Dep Ed Cebu, gave me a tape of Don Moen’s God Will Make A Way. The song was quite powerful yet its message didnt reach my heart.

Healing came very slowly and very quitely. Until now I dont know why it had to happen but the good thing was the realization that God didnt mean to hurt me and that He was not responsible of my miseries.

I will forever be sorry for wanting everything solved on my terms. For overly reacting to my sorrows, for demanding to much from God to come to my rescue, for refusing to see God’s will. Most of all, for questioning and blaming Him.

It is true that I have totally lost that person yet not for a lifetime but for the role I wanted him to play in my life. But his loss taught me to be more sensitive to others, to love unconditionally, and to let go… to let God. I have never cease loving this person up to this day. I just can’t while I’m still breathing. The good news is I now love him the way Christ loves me. Yes, I am fully emancipated from my cell. It is true that in loving I risk of getting hurt again but I know that God will be there to take me into His wings if He has to do it again.