He Ran To Me

    When I was out of work and very sick, I felt like everyone had left me for good. It seemed like nobody understood me. But it was when nobody came to comfort me, no one called and no one texted how I was going on  that  Jesus ran to me. This was the story…

    One midnight I was in great pain brought by the side effects of my chemotherapy. My bones seemed to crush that I could harldy lie on bed. As tears kept rolling on my cheeks, the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ  came into full view, I cried to Him, “Lord, we’re both in pain and it is very good of you to let me realize that in my situation right now I share with you a drop of what you have gone through as you hang on the cross.. I offer to you my difficulties in reparation of my sins. While I was praying this, an evil thought crossed my mind. And so I began to complain, ” Yet Lord, while you were on the cross, you had your mother and John to comfort you. I feel so alone. You took my mother years ago and right now, I dont want to to rouse my sister from her deep slumber.” Then He said to me, ” That’s true,Fe. Nobody there feels what you feel. Your mother is not around , nobody sees you but I am here with you. Am I not enough?” What He said, put me to rest.

Lessons in Life

These are the ten best learnings that I gained when I was diagnosed of cancer, treated and isolatedL:

1, God provides.

2. I can endure all things through God who strengthens me.

3.Adversities are opportunities to let me see which are godly and which are Godly.

4.My family loves me.

5. Real friends are rare to find.

6.Let go of unnecessary worries.

7. Forgiveness must be given instantly but to never allow the same people to keep on hurting me.

8. Think less of myself  by helping others who are in pain.

9.Circumstances can only affect me if I permit them to.

10. Keep on loving even if others cannot and will not love me in return.

Reaction

From the onset of my cancer I never questioned God of my predicament.  I have fully accepted it with contrite heart because I knew that  He had every purpose for allowing the circumstance to happen. My family and some of my  friends got  teary eyed. Thats how Ive come to prove  that I am blessed; I am loved! On the early part of my treatment, reactions were highly sensitive. The most common ones were those  expressed concern why I submitted to chemotherapy and radiation. They feared it will shorten my life. Others thought I got sick because of the sins of my parents, ancestors, and friends. I wondered how many  thought it was my punishment from heaven. I wanted to tell them it wasnt right for them to act and feel more than doctors and more than God. I  wanted to give them a booklet of how to handle cancer patients like me but then, who am I to say that? Some had hurt me in their attempt to comfort me. Well, perhaps thats how much they love me. I remembered Jacob . He remained undaunted amidst the temptations of his so called friends when he was stricken with misfortunes. His life kept me strong when the going was really tough.

My Ultimate Superhero

I was once a broken being: shattered, ridiculed and forgotten. Within me was a cry  to reach out to a loving hero who could ease the pain and made me whole again. I prayed  hard for that someone who could assure me that I wasnt just a mere debris of the past. The wait was long before a mighty hand rescued me. He did not only nourish this poor waif. He also painstakingly reshaped me magnificiently until I  was no longer my old self ! Yes, it  was impossible to see the traces of a disfigured, scattered me. Now I pass to you this wonderful thought: A heart may be broken but not abandoned. Tears may flow yet someday they’d make you glow. As long as you yearn, as long as you yield for Him. Like me He will come to you, in His time, He will tell you when and why. Like me He will embrace you. For this Mighty Man has a mighty heart who cannot help but pick up fragments like you and I.

Recollection

Years ago, I lost a person I deeply love. Everything seemed to fall apart that I lost sense of direction. I asked God why He allowed me to undergo such a terrible grief. I claimed I didnt deserve such misery for Ive been obedient  to His commandments. I blamed Him of my bitter plight and accused Him of playing favorites among His family. Obviously I placed myself the least among the rest of His citizens.

A good friend of mine, Danilo Gudelosao, and now a Supervisor of Science of Dep Ed Cebu, gave me a tape of Don Moen’s God Will Make A Way. The song was quite powerful yet its message didnt reach my heart.

Healing came very slowly and very quitely. Until now I dont know why it had to happen but the good thing was the realization that God didnt mean to hurt me and that He was not responsible of my miseries.

I will forever be sorry for wanting everything solved on my terms. For overly reacting to my sorrows, for demanding to much from God to come to my rescue, for refusing to see God’s will. Most of all, for questioning and blaming Him.

It is true that I have totally lost that person yet not for a lifetime but for the role I wanted him to play in my life. But his loss taught me to be more sensitive to others, to love unconditionally, and to let go… to let God. I have never cease loving this person up to this day. I just can’t while I’m still breathing. The good news is I now love him the way Christ loves me. Yes, I am fully emancipated from my cell. It is true that in loving I risk of getting hurt again but I know that God will be there to take me into His wings if He has to do it again.